Blog of Matti Paalanen - Reviews, thoughts and frozen silence

Summer has begun and I’m enjoying my first true vacation as a teacher. Two and a half months of pure relaxation and bliss with salary. Have to say I’m pretty content And with happiness and relaxation comes inspiration! Two new Project Divinity releases for you my friends of ambient! Triosphere and Beyond. Hope you enjoy them!

I have to say that now I’m finally thrilled. I have had high hopes, but during the past few days I have really begun to realize that maybe the change that mr. Obama is bringing to the table is actually something profound and real and not just wishful fantasy.

This sounds really cheesy, but I have always been a fan of The West Wing series, and one of the reasons is that it managed to build almost believable image of a president that is willing to put effort to change instead of status quo, however tight the opposition and structures around him might be. The idea of one man being in the center of massive changes and processes is thrilling, but very rarely does it have anything to do with the real world.

Be as it may, I’m beginning to think that we might be seeing interesting things in the US politics and global structures during the coming years. And so far I’m smiling.

I just finished watching The Pianist and near the end of the film burst into clean and pure cry. It was one of those moments that might resemble katharsis, although in this case it was quite analytic on the basic level. I haven’t had too many of these kinds of moments in my life, but enough to recognize the process and the elation it brings. Afterwards I found thinking this quite silly and inane thought - would it be somehow reasonable to think that one meaning one could have in life would be to try and gather similar moments and experiences? One of the most important elements of these kinds of outbursts is that they rise from profound empathetic moments, where you actually share the virtual struggle or pain of someone you don’t know, but in all your soul can elate to. One could argue everything that has happened throughout the history of humanity is in some way shared, because what truly separates me from you, or they from us? I seem to have distinct life and stream of experiences, but I could be someone else, it was not a choice I made. I could be going through the stream of experiences someone is going through now, or someone has gone when I didn’t even exist.

I tend to feel that these moments are one of those moments that profoundly rise from the general stream of your average life, because you are in many ways connected to something what is to be human. To be able to leave yourself for a moment and experience that some things are more solid and pure than us. I want to make it clear that I do not imply anything religious - there is no presence of outside power or intent, just the way you can switch your mode of being into something that is not purely about you and your moment of existence. I also do not want to imply nor state that there actually would be something that is solid or pure, but the experience I went through felt like there could be, or more actually there truly is, and that is exactly what makes the experience so profound and important.

Some might say that it is only a illusion and what point is there to make fuss about illusions or imaginary things, but I think everything can be thought as an illusion, and it is more a question of what truly are the illusions that are worth dreaming?

Oh well, here’s to art, daydreams and getting older, but not necessarily wiser! Luckily we are all in the same boat, even though sometimes it feels like everyone is rowing to different directions.

Jamendo is a wonderful french hosting hub that offers home musicians to publish their music via Creative Commons licence. Publications are served via bittorrent. They have continued to develop the site and services, and now artists are able to publish their own blogs. I decided to join the flock and now Celestial Aeon Project, Frozen Silence and Project Divinity have their own project blogs.

No, I’m not actually playing the game anymore, but still thought there are some things I have to comment on.

As I have gotten older I’ve realized that it is actually harder to find meaningful things to do on your free time. I remember when I was under 20 and I could spend weeks and weeks without feeling boredom or meaninglessness, but those times are long gone. Now normal weekend might bring up feeling of anxiousness and sense of time drifting through fingers with nothing reasonable to do and invest effort and concentration on.

I think it’s sort of inevitable that people in modern welfare countries tend to have more and more trouble with free time. We don’t have to think about our mortality and necessities too much and have excess money and wealth to spend on whatever we feel like - but the question, what do we feel like is actually almost as hard to answer than how do I survive for people in much more harsher conditions.

I propose that when people live under extreme conditions where they have to put effort into basic questions - where can I find my next meal, how do I survive the night, the mind goes into survival mode where anything extra is just skipped. But when people live lives such as mine, where everything is safe and sound and you can basically do whatever you like, the mind starts wondering and very few things actually feel like anything special. You get used to things and you are looking for something different, something that brings up that one more extra edge to the general experience of existence.

It is no wonder that MMORPGs have become as popular as they have - my one active year of WoW was one year where I never had trouble answering "what could I do now?" - the answer was always there. Whenever I didn’t have any real life responsibilites I could log on and fulfil one more virtual quest or goal, there was always next one waiting for me in Azeroth. Add to this the fact that you were not playing just for yourself, but you had hundreds of people playing with you and you start to realize that modern technology can really offer people extremely addictive and robust environments that combine social aspects to enjoyment and goal driven processes.

But I finally decided to quit playing because I thought that it’s more worrisome to succumb into "easy answers" than to think things through - is it really so hard to find reasonable things to do on your free time? Could I channel my effort into something more productive than game?

Answer is, yes it is hard and yes you can channel it, but not very often. Most of the time it is insanely difficult to find something reasonable to do.

I’m not sure if I’m alone with my free time troubles, but I presume I am not. Most of the friends I’ve talked with mention that most of their free time goes to random browsing of the internet where you go in these kinds of cycles - you go to a certain webpage and refresh it, hoping that something has happened since last refresh. Not sure why you are doing it, it is semi automatic habit and you just continue doing it because there’s not much else you should or could be doing.

All in all my point is this - even when people get more wealth and safety in their lives, it just changes the way we think and feel, and even in this conditions, we don’t necessarily feel extremely happy or content. We just find different ways to make the worries and anxiety go away.

I’m not sure what would be the silver bullet. Meditation? Zen? No idea if there is a definite answer to be found.

But personally, I don’t want WotLK to be the answer.

I’ve watched a couple of episodes of Mad men and I have to say I’m sort of hooked. The series has nice rhythm, well written characters and interesting concept. As an added bonus, most of the female actors are incredibly beautiful, something a silly chap like myself can not overvalue! Not sure yet if the magic will hold or not, but so far so good. If you are looking for semi serious drama with nostalgia and sense of intrigue, you could go for Mad Men

Shinjuku Thief is one of those projects that go under your skin. Dark and brooding horror ambient with very soundtrack-like feeling. First time I heard Shinjuku Thief was during one of our role-playing game sessions. It was one-shot horror scenario and The Witch Hammer was used as the sole soundtrack for the game. And it literally brought the imaginary horrors to the room surfing on the soundwaves. I’ve never been so scared in my life. The associations were so intense that even now when I’m listening to the album, I get shivers down my spine. It is definitely not an easy album and the intense soundscapes won’t yield exactly enjoyable experience, but I still wholeheartedly suggest to try it out.

Project Divinity’s album Divinity got it’s first official review from finnish noise.fi webmagazine. It is sadly written in finnish, but you can find it here in any case.

As a summary I’m very happy for it, the writer understood the project and it’s main influences correctly, analyzed it honestly and wrote the article with sense of detail and warmth.

The album can be gotten either from Jamendo.com or as a physical version from levyvirasto.net.

Star Trek was originally created by Gene Roddenberry and it is one of the most important sci-fi classics in the media of film. Later many continuation series were produced that built on the same universe and from those series TNG is in my opinion the best. It is warm, mellow and hopeful. Unlike in Battlestar Galactica, humanity has managed to transcend into responsible and better beings and the series revolve around the concept of exploration and knowledge. Patrick Stewart manages to flesh out an exceptional character from captain Jean-Luc Picard - he has got to be one of the best leaders ever written. You could say that Picard is the series. He has the final call on most of the things and most often he makes decisions that allow situations to resolve without excessive violence or conflict.

Some would say TNG is too charming and easy going a series, and I’m ready to admit that, but to me, there’s nothing wrong in charming and easy. I enjoy the funny moments, small jokes, interaction between the characters and the way the crew works. There are so many exceptional moments in the series that it carries it over the occasional weak moments. Data, Worf and Picard make up the most enjoyable trio with the entity Q thrown into the mix. From those four such lively situations are made that I just can’t smile enough.

If you are into science fiction and enjoy easy going atmosphere, I recommend checking out TNG. There are some excellent episodes out there just waiting for you to watch them!

One word: cocksucker.

Deadwood updated the genre of Western into modern 2.0 version. It got a lot more grittier, raw and brutal. There’s mud, swearing, blood, pain and whores. There’s whisky, struggle for power, ideals and decency mixed with trauma caused by the hard times and world where everyone has to endure conflict and loss. If there’s one character that embodies that is Deadwood, it’s got be Al Swearengen played by marvelous Ian McShane.

Like with most of the HBO series, the level of production is top notch. Casting, scenery, the look and feel, dialogue, everything just works. Deadwood has divided the audience to those that hate it and those that love it. But at least it has the courage to take a leap into one direction and not succumb into boring middle that tries to bow towards everyone. Yes, there is a lot of swearing going on, and yes, the historical west probably wasn’t exactly like this, but hell, if it’s enjoyable and feels belieavable, I’m not complaining. After all, it’s not a documentary.