Wrath of the Lich King
No, I’m not actually playing the game anymore, but still thought there are some things I have to comment on.
As I have gotten older I’ve realized that it is actually harder to find meaningful things to do on your free time. I remember when I was under 20 and I could spend weeks and weeks without feeling boredom or meaninglessness, but those times are long gone. Now normal weekend might bring up feeling of anxiousness and sense of time drifting through fingers with nothing reasonable to do and invest effort and concentration on.
I think it’s sort of inevitable that people in modern welfare countries tend to have more and more trouble with free time. We don’t have to think about our mortality and necessities too much and have excess money and wealth to spend on whatever we feel like - but the question, what do we feel like is actually almost as hard to answer than how do I survive for people in much more harsher conditions.
I propose that when people live under extreme conditions where they have to put effort into basic questions - where can I find my next meal, how do I survive the night, the mind goes into survival mode where anything extra is just skipped. But when people live lives such as mine, where everything is safe and sound and you can basically do whatever you like, the mind starts wondering and very few things actually feel like anything special. You get used to things and you are looking for something different, something that brings up that one more extra edge to the general experience of existence.
It is no wonder that MMORPGs have become as popular as they have - my one active year of WoW was one year where I never had trouble answering "what could I do now?" - the answer was always there. Whenever I didn’t have any real life responsibilites I could log on and fulfil one more virtual quest or goal, there was always next one waiting for me in Azeroth. Add to this the fact that you were not playing just for yourself, but you had hundreds of people playing with you and you start to realize that modern technology can really offer people extremely addictive and robust environments that combine social aspects to enjoyment and goal driven processes.
But I finally decided to quit playing because I thought that it’s more worrisome to succumb into "easy answers" than to think things through - is it really so hard to find reasonable things to do on your free time? Could I channel my effort into something more productive than game?
Answer is, yes it is hard and yes you can channel it, but not very often. Most of the time it is insanely difficult to find something reasonable to do.
I’m not sure if I’m alone with my free time troubles, but I presume I am not. Most of the friends I’ve talked with mention that most of their free time goes to random browsing of the internet where you go in these kinds of cycles - you go to a certain webpage and refresh it, hoping that something has happened since last refresh. Not sure why you are doing it, it is semi automatic habit and you just continue doing it because there’s not much else you should or could be doing.
All in all my point is this - even when people get more wealth and safety in their lives, it just changes the way we think and feel, and even in this conditions, we don’t necessarily feel extremely happy or content. We just find different ways to make the worries and anxiety go away.
I’m not sure what would be the silver bullet. Meditation? Zen? No idea if there is a definite answer to be found.
But personally, I don’t want WotLK to be the answer.
First off, I can’t say enough about your music. It’s so amazing. It’s really intriguing to read the thoughts of someone who clearly is so incredibly talented regarding music. I think sometimes we paint this picture that people who are so great at something (music, sports, business) have everything together and are above the common issues we face in life. But that’s another topic…
I found your post very fascinating and it hit on a point that I think a lot of internet generation youngster’s face today. I’ve also had times where I refresh a news site continually for no real reason. I mean it’s not like I really care what I’ll read if there is a new post or something, but it’s just more of a symptom of an overly-amused life with no real direction. Sort of like the movie “The Matrix” we are on a search for meaning and I suppose think that MMOs or the net can provide that, or at least let us forget about that nagging question of meaning for a little while.
I’ve never played a MMO game seriously but I totally understand their appeal. But like you, I don’t want MMO’s or any other game to be my answer to my lack of direction.
There is really so much more beneficial things in life than MMO’s or any other entertainment form. The problem is I suppose we are brought up in this sort of media culture that encourages us to seek entertainment above all else. Most young adults do the 9-5 job and come home to MMOs, TV, movies, or whatnot.
However, I personally have found the only thing that brings real meaning for me is my relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ, since I’m a Christian. Obviously, that’s controversial, but I think many people in our society today feel as you’ve said because so many people look to themselves and to media to find enjoyment, but they find that this inward focus only leads to a dissatisfaction that is hard to describe but nonetheless very real.
Even though I’m a Christian I have had times in my life where I feel very similar to your post, with the general unsatisfied feeling. I suppose the reason we feel so empty is because ultimately things like WotLK are vanity, they don’t last and have no real value, yet they are so alluring. I know for me I find my ultimate purpose by knowing the Creator of the Universe through His Bible, but for others who don’t turn to Jesus, I really have no answer for them. I’ve had many friends in high school and college who expressed similar views as your post has, but no answer could be found no matter all the things they turned to.
So for me, my answer is to turn to the God of the Bible, and find eternal meaning in His promises. I just want to encourage you that a definite answer can be found. I humbly thank you for your time, and I do hope you find a meaningful life purpose. Anyway, thanks again for your music. In much thankfulness and sincerity, Brumbek.
Comment by Brumbek — November 22, 2008 @ 2:26 am
My Silver Bullet & How I Found It
The escape from a false sense of meaning you speak of is indeed a hard one to conquer. Especially if your experience is that there is no stronger motive to replace that, just the craving of finding one. I’ve been through a similar process, only my motivation has been what you already described: I’m lucky enough to not have to struggle unreasonably for my health, nutrition, sanitation, education and equality, while billions of people have not been as lucky. Personally I strongly believe that what an individual does can make an immense difference for those in need of help.
This is my silver bullet.
In order to establish point of view and clarity, the Bible, the Qur’an, the Mahābhārata or other spiritual guidelines can in some circumstances be of help, as can meditation, abandoning all earthly possessions and becoming a hermit. Strong emphasis on can here: thoughts are an essential first step, but even the good ones matter little if they do not lead to action.
I’ve been reading a book on productivity called Getting Things Done by David Allen. First, Allen guides us to gather everything we feel we need to do on a single system, or to-do list if you will. Everything. From work tasks to “it would be nice” sort of stuff. Each of these items should then be analyzed as to what would be the Next Action they require in order to be closer to be regarded as “completed”. Now, gathering this list could take a while, perhaps two full days, but I can assure you it’s worth the effort and pays back in clarity and peace of mind.
Second, once this is done, Allen urges us to “gain height” and look at our lives from afar. What are our major goals? What do we really want to acheive in our lives? What makes a difference? Once you start fathoming your Life Goals, it becomes increasingly easier to see which of them each of your short-term tasks promote. Also, it becomes increasingly easier to decide whether the tasks should be done at all – as well as it becomes clearer to fathom meaningful tasks that promote your Life Goals.
This is how I found my silver bullet.
Comment by Markus Koljonen — December 5, 2008 @ 5:42 pm
To add to the above, I believe you’re in a good situation. Having too little to do is often better than being in a constant state of urgency and hurry. A sense of timelessness brings about room for thought and creativity, take this blog message you wrote for instance
It opens up doors for the new, the old, the forgotten, the yet unimagined – and the space to really look into oneself, one’s true goals, and how to reach them.
Comment by Markus Koljonen — December 6, 2008 @ 1:13 pm